her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
