i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
