There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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