From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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