Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
