I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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