this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
tell me about the eggs
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