so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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