I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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