I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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