Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
