too bad you live with your parents still
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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