All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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