Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
