i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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