Can i not drive my cunt home
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
