Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
