yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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