there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
