Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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