those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
