Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
