found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
