I want to stick my p in your. b.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
