Plan B is the new Plan A
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
