help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
