so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
