Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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