I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize