The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
