i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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