Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
