she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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