I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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