im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
