She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
