Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
