i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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