dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize