I feel great
I just peed on a car
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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