But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
