its not stalking. its research.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
