The maid of honor just puked.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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