Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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