get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
