did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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