i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
