last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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