Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
