There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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