John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
