All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
