My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
