no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
