What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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