so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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