I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
