I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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