the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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