mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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