Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize