Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
