I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
