maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
