PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
