We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
