I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
