was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
