a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
