doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
